Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
