I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
