I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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