Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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