I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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