Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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