in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
