he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
