I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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