I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
