my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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