Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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