I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
