Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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