this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
