nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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