Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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