I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
