THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
