Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
