you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
