I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
