You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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