I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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