Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
