thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
