My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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