why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
