yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
