I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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