wrigley field is MILF paradise
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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