Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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