Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
babies were throwing up all over the place
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
