Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
