The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
