so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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