1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
