I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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