I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
