I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
