On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize