I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just tell him i said nine months
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry about my life...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
