The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
