And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize