They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
