So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize