you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize