I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
