I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
