Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sarcasm needs its own font
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
