That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
