You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
