It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
