I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
