this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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