The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
