Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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