In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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