It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Randomize
