I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
