I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
