I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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