Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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