I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
