Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
