Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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