I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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