covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
