I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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