I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
