she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
